You’ve compared your charts. You see a bunch of aspects. Now what?
Here’s what usually happens: You get excited about every trine and conjunction. You panic about every square and opposition. You Google “Venus square Mars synastry” at 2am and get seventeen different interpretations ranging from “soulmate aspect” to “relationship death sentence.”
Welcome to aspect confusion—where everyone has an opinion and nobody agrees on anything.
The truth? Aspects are more nuanced than “good” or “bad.” They’re the conversations between planets in your charts. Some conversations are easy. Some are challenging. Some are transformative. And some—like that Saturn square you’re worried about—might be exactly what the relationship needs to actually grow instead of stagnating in comfortable mediocrity.
From someone who learned the hard way: “I spent years chasing ‘perfect’ synastry—all trines, all Venus-Mars harmonies, all Moon connections. You know what those relationships had in common? They were boring as hell. No growth. No depth. Just pleasant… nothingness. My most transformative relationship? Moon square Mars, Venus square Saturn, Sun opposite Pluto. It was challenging, sure. But it made me a better person. Perfect aspects don’t make perfect relationships.” – GrowthOverComfort
What Aspects Actually Are (And Why They Matter More Than You Think)
Aspects are the geometric angles between planets in two charts. When your Venus lands 90 degrees from their Mars? That’s a square. When your Moon sits directly across from their Sun at 180 degrees? That’s an opposition.
But here’s what astrology textbooks won’t tell you: aspects aren’t destiny. They’re dynamics.
Think of aspects as the quality of energy exchange between planets. Easy aspects (trines, sextiles) mean the energy flows naturally—no effort required. Hard aspects (squares, oppositions, some conjunctions) mean there’s friction in the energy exchange. That friction can be destructive… or it can be the exact catalyst you need to evolve.
The aspects we’ll cover:
Conjunctions (0°) – Fusion and intensity
Oppositions (180°) – Push-pull and polarity
Trines (120°) – Easy flow and natural harmony
Squares (90°) – Friction and growth
Sextiles (60°) – Opportunity and potential
Inconjuncts/Quincunxes (150°) – The awkward aspect
Conjunctions (0°): When Two Planets Become One
What it is: Two planets occupying the same degree (or very close) in the same sign. They fuse together. Merge. Become inseparable in the relationship dynamic.
Why it’s misunderstood: Everyone thinks conjunctions are “good” because they see it listed with trines and sextiles as “harmonious aspects.”
Plot twist: Conjunctions are actually hard aspects.
The energy doesn’t just blend nicely like a smoothie. It’s more like… two people trying to drive the same car at the same time. Sometimes it works beautifully. Sometimes it’s a disaster. Always, it’s intense.
Real talk from someone who gets it: “My Venus conjunct his Mars—everyone told me it was the ‘perfect’ romantic aspect. And yeah, the attraction was instant and overwhelming. But his Mars didn’t just enhance my Venus. It consumed it. Dominated it. I couldn’t express love without him turning it sexual. I couldn’t want affection without him making it about conquest. Conjunctions aren’t gentle. They’re all-consuming.” – ConsumedByConjunction
What makes conjunctions powerful:
They create instant recognition – You feel like you know this person
They’re undeniable – You can’t ignore the connection
They dominate the relationship – Whatever planets are conjunct become the main theme
They’re hard to separate – Even when the relationship is over, the energy lingers
When conjunctions work:
Sun/Moon conjunction: Natural understanding of each other’s core needs
Venus/Venus conjunction: Shared values and love language
Mercury/Mercury conjunction: Same wavelength intellectually
Jupiter to personal planets: Expansion and optimism
When conjunctions don’t work:
Mars/Pluto conjunction: Power struggles and potential for manipulation
Saturn/Sun or Moon conjunction: One person feels burdened, restricted
Neptune/Venus conjunction: Idealization and potential deception
Uranus to personal planets: Instability and unpredictability
Unpopular opinion: “Sun/Moon conjunctions are overrated. Yeah, you ‘get’ each other, but where’s the growth? Where’s the challenge? My Sun conjunct her Moon meant we were TOO similar. No friction, no push to evolve. We just reinforced each other’s patterns—good AND bad. After five years we realized we’d become the same person and had nothing new to learn from each other.” – TooMuchSameness
The real question with conjunctions: Do you want to be merged with this person? Because that’s what’s happening. Your energies aren’t just connecting—they’re fusing. Make sure that fusion is something you actually want.
Oppositions (180°): The Push-Pull That Might Save You
What it is: Two planets sitting directly across from each other in the zodiac wheel. Opposite signs. Maximum polarity.
The bad reputation: Oppositions are usually described as “difficult,” “conflicted,” “challenging.” They represent fundamental differences. They create tension. They make you feel like you’re constantly at odds.
The truth that changes everything: Oppositions are mathematically the second most powerful aspect after conjunctions. And they’re the only aspect that naturally creates wholeness.
Think about it: Opposite signs complete each other. Aries-Libra. Taurus-Scorpio. Gemini-Sagittarius. They’re not enemies—they’re two halves of the same coin.
From someone who learned to love oppositions: “Her Sun opposite my Moon felt like constant tension at first. She wanted to shine and be seen (Leo). I wanted emotional privacy and depth (Aquarius). We fought about it constantly. But over time, I learned to be more expressive. She learned to value emotional authenticity over performance. The opposition didn’t pull us apart—it made us whole.” – OppositesDontAttract
How oppositions actually work:
Think of them as a see-saw. When one side goes up, the other goes down. When her Mars is activated, my Venus has to respond. When his Saturn kicks in, my Sun has to adjust. Back and forth. Push and pull.
The challenge isn’t that you’re incompatible—it’s that you’re too aware of what the other person represents. They embody exactly what you need to integrate in yourself.
The different flavors:
Sun opposite Moon: Classic polarity of masculine/feminine, conscious/unconscious, will/emotion. Can feel like you’re always out of sync… or like you complete each other. Often both.
Venus opposite Mars: Sexual tension and attraction, but also conflicts about how to love versus how to desire. “I love you gently” versus “I want you aggressively.”
Venus opposite Saturn: “She represents everything I value, and I represent everything that tests those values. Her Venus wants ease and pleasure; my Saturn says ‘not until you’ve earned it.’ It sounds terrible on paper, but it actually creates incredible staying power. Her Venus makes my Saturn softer. My Saturn makes her Venus more real.” – OppositesSaturnVenus
Venus opposite Pluto: Power struggles around love and control. One person wants lightness, the other wants total transformation. Intense and potentially destructive—or profoundly transformative.
Mercury opposite Uranus: “You think SO differently than me. It drives me crazy… and also turns me on intellectually.” Exciting but potentially exhausting.
The key to working with oppositions:
Stop trying to win. The opposition isn’t about one planet dominating the other. It’s about integration. Balance. Finding the middle ground between two valid but opposite approaches.
When you embrace the polarity instead of fighting it, oppositions become your greatest strength. You literally balance each other out.
Real wisdom: “Oppositions in synastry force both people to develop the qualities they lack. My partner’s planets opposite mine don’t conflict with me—they show me what I need to become. That’s not comfortable. But it’s growth.” – PolarityTeacher
Trines (120°): Easy… Maybe Too Easy
What it is: Planets 120 degrees apart, in signs of the same element (Fire, Earth, Air, Water). Natural harmony. Easy flow. What everyone thinks they want in synastry.
What people love about trines:
Effortless compatibility
Natural understanding
Easy communication
Pleasant interactions
No drama
The problem nobody talks about:
Trines don’t push you. They don’t challenge you. They don’t make you grow.
Hot take from someone who chose differently: “I had a relationship with five major trines between our charts. It was… nice. Comfortable. Easy. We never fought. We always agreed. We understood each other perfectly. And after three years, I was BORED OUT OF MY MIND. There was nowhere to go. Nothing to overcome. No friction to create heat. We were just… pleasant roommates who occasionally had pleasant sex.” – TrinesAreOverrated
When trines work beautifully:
As support for harder aspects (you need SOME ease in the chart)
Between Mercury (communication flows naturally)
Between Moon and Venus (emotional comfort)
When both people are growth-oriented anyway and don’t need conflict to evolve
When trines create problems:
When they’re the only aspects in the chart (too much ease = complacency)
When they enable bad patterns (Sun trine Neptune: enabling each other’s delusions)
When they lead to taking each other for granted
When they prevent necessary confrontation
The truth: “Trines are like training wheels. They’re great when you’re learning to ride, but eventually you need to take them off if you want to actually GO somewhere. A relationship with only trines might be comfortable, but it won’t challenge you to become more than you already are.” – RemoveTheTrainingWheels
What trines are actually good for:
Creating a foundation of goodwill
Providing relief when other aspects are challenging
Making communication easier during hard times
Giving you a break from the intensity
But if you want a relationship that transforms you? You’re going to need some squares and oppositions too.
Squares (90°): The Friction That Forges You
What it is: Planets 90 degrees apart, in signs of the same modality (Cardinal, Fixed, or Mutable) but different elements. Maximum friction. Conflict. Tension.
The reputation: Squares are the “bad” aspect. The one that causes problems. The one you should avoid if you want a “good” relationship.
The reality that changes everything: Squares are growth engines. They’re uncomfortable because they force you to evolve.
Think about it: When does personal growth actually happen? When you’re comfortable and everything’s easy? Or when you’re challenged, frustrated, pushed out of your patterns?
Squares push you out of your comfort zone. They make you confront issues you’d rather avoid. They force both people to develop qualities they don’t naturally have.
From someone who stopped avoiding squares: “Moon square Mars with my partner. Every astrology site said it would be ‘difficult’ and ‘full of emotional conflicts.’ And yeah, we’ve had those. His Mars triggers my Moon constantly—he pushes when I need gentleness. But you know what? I’ve learned to be more assertive. He’s learned to be more emotionally aware. That square has made us both better people. We just had to stop seeing the friction as a problem and start seeing it as the POINT.” – FrictionMakesGrowth
The three types of squares:
Cardinal Squares (Aries-Cancer-Libra-Capricorn): These are action-oriented squares. Both people want to initiate, lead, control. Power struggles are common. But if you can learn to take turns leading? Unstoppable power couple energy.
Example: “His Sun in Aries square my Moon in Cancer. He wants independence and action. I want emotional security and nurturing. We fought about this for YEARS. Eventually we figured it out: he gets his adventure, I get my stability, and we take turns prioritizing each other’s needs. The square didn’t go away, but we learned to dance with it.” – CardinalDance
Fixed Squares (Taurus-Leo-Scorpio-Aquarius): These are the STUBBORN squares. Battle of wills. Neither person wants to budge. These can be the most difficult because both planets dig in their heels.
But here’s the hidden benefit: Fixed squares create incredible staying power. You don’t give up easily. If you can find compromise, the relationship has serious longevity.
Example: “Venus in Taurus square Mars in Aquarius. I want traditional romance and stability. He wants freedom and innovation. We’re literally opposite in how we love. But that fixed energy means we’re both committed to figuring it out. We don’t quit. Eight years later, we’ve created a relationship that honors both needs.” – FixedCommitment
Mutable Squares (Gemini-Virgo-Sagittarius-Pisces): These are the most adaptable squares. The challenge isn’t stubbornness—it’s inconsistency. Both people are changeable, which can create confusion and instability.
The benefit? You’re both flexible enough to grow and change together.
What squares actually do in synastry:
Force you to develop qualities you lack
Create necessary friction for growth
Prevent complacency and boredom
Make the relationship dynamic rather than static
Test whether you’re actually committed to each other
When squares are destructive:
When one or both people refuse to grow
When the friction becomes abuse rather than challenge
When neither person is willing to compromise
When the relationship is young and neither person is mature enough to handle the tension
When squares are transformative:
When both people are committed to growth
When you see the challenge as the point, not the problem
When you use the friction to forge something stronger
When you’re mature enough to not take the tension personally
Real wisdom: “Squares in synastry are like weight training. Sure, lifting weights is uncomfortable and sometimes painful. But that’s literally how you get stronger. A relationship with no squares? You’re not getting stronger. You’re just maintaining.” – SquaresAreWeightTraining
Sextiles (60°): The Underrated Aspect That Requires Effort
What it is: Planets 60 degrees apart, in complementary elements (Fire with Air, Earth with Water). Considered a “soft” or “easy” aspect like trines, but actually quite different.
The misunderstanding: Most people treat sextiles like weaker trines. “Oh, it’s harmonious but not as strong.” Wrong.
The truth: Sextiles represent opportunity—but you have to activate them.
A trine is like having money in your bank account. It’s there. You can use it anytime. Easy.
A sextile is like having a job opportunity. The potential is there, but you have to actually show up and do something with it.
From someone who learned to work with sextiles: “Mercury sextile Venus in our synastry. For the first year, I didn’t even notice it. We had bigger aspects going on. But during a really difficult phase (Saturn transit, squares getting intense), we realized we could actually TALK to each other about the hard stuff. That sextile gave us the tools, but we had to consciously use them. Now it’s one of our most valuable connections.” – SextilesSaved
How to activate sextiles:
Consciously use the energy – It won’t happen automatically like a trine
Treat them as tools – Available when you need them
Don’t take them for granted – They require effort even though they’re “easy”
Use them during challenging transits – They’re your support system
Which sextiles matter most:
Moon sextile Venus: Easy emotional support and affection—if you consciously nurture it
Mercury sextile Mercury: Can communicate well—if you actually make time to talk
Venus sextile Mars: Potential for attraction and romance—if you actively pursue each other
Sun sextile Jupiter: Optimism and growth—if you encourage each other
The tight orb rule:
Unlike other aspects, sextiles need to be TIGHT to matter (within 3 degrees max, preferably closer). A 5-degree sextile probably won’t do much for you.
Why sextiles get overlooked:
Because they don’t force themselves on you like squares. They don’t demand attention like oppositions. They don’t create instant intensity like conjunctions. They’re just… there. Waiting. Ready to help if you use them.
Real insight: “Sextiles are like having a good friend available to help you move. They’re not going to show up and start packing for you (that would be a trine). But if you ASK them and actually use them? They’re incredibly helpful.” – AskForHelp
Inconjuncts/Quincunxes (150°): The Awkward Aspect Nobody Understands
What it is: Planets 150 degrees apart, in signs that have nothing in common—different element, different modality, different polarity. Maximum weirdness.
Why it’s called “inconjunct”: Because the planets literally can’t see each other. They’re in signs that don’t connect in any traditional way. It’s like trying to have a conversation with someone who speaks a completely different language and uses totally different logic.
What it feels like:
“His Mars inconjunct my Venus. When he’s being assertive and going after what he wants, I feel… confused? Uncomfortable? It’s not conflict (that would be a square). It’s just… off. Like we’re operating in different realities. I want romance and harmony. He wants action and conquest. But we’re not opposing each other. We’re just… missing each other completely.” – InconnjunctConfusion
The inconjunct experience:
Constant small adjustments required
Feeling like you’re speaking different languages
Neither person is wrong, but neither person understands the other
Requires more effort than squares (at least with squares you know what you’re fighting about)
Can feel crazy-making because there’s no obvious conflict to resolve
Why inconjuncts are exhausting:
Squares create friction—but at least there’s contact. You’re pushing against each other, so you know where the other person is.
Inconjuncts? You keep reaching for each other and missing. Neither person is trying to be difficult. You’re just operating on completely different wavelengths.
When inconjuncts can work:
When both people are consciously aware of the dynamic
When you stop trying to “fix” it and just accept the weirdness
When you develop translation skills (learning to speak each other’s language)
When you have other strong aspects that provide connection
When inconjuncts don’t work:
When one or both people get frustrated by the constant adjustment
When the effort required feels like too much
When neither person is willing to do the translation work
When there aren’t enough other aspects to create connection
The reality: “Inconjuncts require more work than any other aspect. More work than squares. More work than oppositions. Because at least with hard aspects, you know what you’re dealing with. Inconjuncts are just… perpetually awkward. Some people are willing to do that work. Some aren’t.” – PerpetuallyAwkward
The Top 5 Aspects That Actually Matter
Let’s cut through the noise. You’ve got dozens of aspects between your charts. Which ones actually matter?
These are the aspects that show up again and again in significant relationships—the ones that create connection, attraction, and staying power.
1. Sun-Moon Connections (Any Major Aspect)
Why it matters: The Sun is your core identity, your life force, your essential self. The Moon is your emotional needs, your instincts, your inner world. When these connect between two charts, you’re linking the most fundamental parts of who you are.
Sun conjunct Moon: The classic. His conscious will aligns with her emotional needs (or vice versa). You “get” each other on a fundamental level.
Sun opposite Moon: Complementary rather than same. You balance each other—conscious and unconscious, masculine and feminine energy. Can feel like fate.
Sun square Moon: Tension between identity and emotions. Challenging but also creates the friction that keeps things dynamic.
Sun trine/sextile Moon: Easy emotional understanding. Comfortable. Maybe TOO comfortable if you need challenge to grow.
Real experience: “Every significant relationship I’ve had—romantic or otherwise—had a major Sun-Moon connection. Current partner: my Moon conjunct his Sun. Ex before that: his Moon opposite my Sun. Even my best friend: Sun trine Moon. It’s the one aspect I can’t do a real connection without.” – SunMoonObsessed
2. Venus-Mars Interactions (The Attraction Factor)
Why it matters: Venus is how you love and what you value. Mars is desire, passion, and action. Together, they create attraction and chemistry—both romantic and sexual.
Venus conjunct Mars: Instant, undeniable attraction. The Mars person pursues, the Venus person responds. Classic romantic aspect.
Venus opposite Mars: Magnetic pull. Different approaches to love and desire, but the polarity creates intense attraction.
Venus square Mars: Sexual tension and frustration. Attraction is there, but so is conflict about how to express it. Can be hot… or infuriating.
Venus trine Mars: Easy romantic and sexual flow. Pleasant but might lack intensity.
The truth about Venus-Mars: “People obsess over Venus-Mars, but honestly? It’s not the hottest aspect. Moon-Mars is hotter (more emotional intensity). Mars-Pluto is hotter (more dangerous intensity). But Venus-Mars is the ROMANTIC attraction. It’s the one that makes you want to date someone, not just hook up with them.” – VenusMarsRealist
3. Mercury Connections (Can You Actually Talk?)
Why it matters: Mercury is communication, thinking, and mental connection. If your Mercuries don’t connect, you’re going to struggle to understand each other—no matter how good the attraction is.
Mercury conjunct Mercury: Same wavelength. You think alike, communicate easily, get each other’s humor.
Mercury square/opposite Mercury: Different communication styles. Can lead to misunderstandings… or interesting debates if both people value different perspectives.
Mercury trine/sextile Mercury: Easy communication. You don’t have to translate your thoughts for each other.
Often overlooked: “Everyone focuses on Venus and Mars for relationships, but Mercury is what makes or breaks long-term compatibility. You can have amazing attraction, but if you can’t talk to each other? You’re screwed. Mercury aspects are CRITICAL.” – CommunicationMatters
4. Saturn Aspects (The Commitment Factor)
Why it matters: Saturn is responsibility, commitment, and long-term stability. At least one Saturn aspect is essential for a relationship that goes the distance.
Saturn to Sun/Moon/Venus/Mars: Creates a sense of responsibility and commitment. The Saturn person feels accountable to the other person. Can feel heavy… or can provide the stability the relationship needs.
Saturn to angles (ASC/DSC/IC/MC): Even more binding. Creates a sense that this relationship is serious, whether you want it to be or not.
The Saturn truth: “I used to think Saturn aspects were bad because they felt ‘heavy.’ Then I realized—every relationship I committed to had strong Saturn aspects. Every fling I had? Zero Saturn. Saturn doesn’t kill romance. It makes it REAL.” – SaturnMakesItReal
5. Ascendant Connections (First Impression and Natural Affinity)
Why it matters: Your Ascendant is how you present yourself to the world, your first impression, your outer personality. When someone’s planets connect to your Ascendant, you’re naturally attracted to them.
Sun/Venus to Ascendant: Instant attraction. They embody qualities you find attractive.
Moon to Ascendant: Emotional compatibility. They feel familiar.
Mars to Ascendant: Physical attraction. They activate your body’s response.
From experience: “My Venus on his Ascendant. He was literally my type—not just physically, but the whole vibe of him. How he moved, talked, presented himself. That Venus-Ascendant contact made me notice him immediately. The rest of the synastry determined whether we were compatible, but that initial pull? That was the Venus-ASC.” – InstantRecognition
Marriage Aspects: What Shows Up When People Actually Commit
Everyone wants to know: “Will we get married?”
Astrology can’t answer that definitively (free will exists), but there are specific aspects and patterns that show up consistently in the charts of people who DO make long-term commitments.
If you’re looking at a chart and wondering if it has marriage potential, look for these:
Saturn: The Cement of Commitment
You need at least one Saturn aspect for marriage potential.
Saturn is responsibility, commitment, long-term thinking. It’s not romantic. It’s not exciting. But it’s what makes people actually stay together when the initial attraction fades.
Strong Saturn aspects:
Saturn to Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars
Saturn to angles (especially the 7th house cusp or Ascendant)
Saturn in the 7th house
The Saturn person feels a sense of responsibility toward the other person. It can feel like a burden at first—but it’s also what creates staying power.
Reality check: “My partner’s Saturn square my Venus. For the first year, I resented it. He felt restrictive, serious, like he was dampening my fun. But six years later? That Saturn aspect is why we’re still together. He’s the one who makes me take the relationship seriously. Who pushes for real commitment when I want to keep things light. I don’t like it in the moment, but I respect it long-term.” – SaturnStability
Juno: The Marriage Asteroid
Juno is literally the goddess of marriage and committed partnership. When someone’s planets aspect your Juno (or vice versa), there’s a pull toward formalizing the relationship.
Strongest Juno aspects:
Conjunctions to personal planets (especially Sun, Moon, Venus)
Oppositions and squares (challenging but motivating)
Mutual Juno aspects (both people’s Juno connecting to each other’s planets)
The Juno person (whose Juno is being aspected) feels compelled to make the relationship official.
Sun/Moon Conjunctions and Oppositions
Sun conjunct Moon: The gold standard for marriage aspects. The masculine and feminine principles merge. You complete each other on a fundamental level.
Sun opposite Moon: Creates a powerful balance. You’re different but complementary. The opposition creates tension that can either drive you apart… or bind you together.
Sun square Moon: Creates attraction and challenge. Not traditionally a “marriage” aspect, but if you can navigate the tension, it creates lasting dynamics.
From someone who married a Sun-Moon opposition: “His Sun opposite my Moon. We’re fundamentally different. He’s extroverted and action-oriented. I’m introverted and emotional. But those differences create balance. I teach him to feel. He teaches me to act. Twenty years married, still learning from each other.” – OppositionMarriage
Sun/Moon Midpoint Activation
The Sun/Moon midpoint is the mathematical midpoint between your Sun and Moon—the point that represents your “inner marriage,” the integration of your will and your emotions.
When someone’s planet (especially Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars) conjuncts or opposes your Sun/Moon midpoint, they trigger that integration externally. They become your inner marriage made manifest.
This is a powerful but lesser-known marriage indicator.
7th House Activation
If your planets land in their 7th house (the house of committed partnership), they see you as “partner material.”
Most powerful:
Sun, Moon, or Venus in their 7th house
Conjunction to their 7th house cusp (Descendant)
Less powerful but still relevant:
Outer planets in their 7th (Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto)
The 7th house person perceives you through a partnership lens. Whether they ACT on it depends on other factors in their natal chart.
Important caveat:
“Having ‘marriage aspects’ doesn’t mean you’ll get married. It means IF both people want marriage, these aspects support it. But if one person has a natal chart that’s allergic to commitment (Uranus dominant, packed 5th house, etc.), no amount of Saturn-Juno aspects will force them down the aisle.” – MarriageAspectsArentDestiny
Unrequited Love: The Red Flags in Synastry
Sometimes you’re all in. They’re… not.
Unrequited love has astrological signatures. Specific patterns that show when the connection is one-sided, when you’re more invested than they are, when you’re pouring energy into someone who isn’t reciprocating.
Here’s what to look for when you suspect the feelings aren’t mutual:
One-Sided Outer Planet Contacts
The pattern: Your planets activate their outer planets (especially Pluto, Neptune, Uranus), but their personal planets don’t connect to yours.
What it means: You’re hitting deep, psychological, or spiritual layers in their chart—but they’re not hitting your day-to-day emotional reality. You feel EVERYTHING. They feel… intrigued? Disturbed? But not personally invested.
Example: “My Venus, Moon, and Mars all aspected his Pluto. His Pluto was prominent in his chart, so I activated his entire psychological underworld. I felt obsessed, transformed, consumed. But his personal planets barely touched my chart. For me, he was everything. For him, I was an interesting psychological experience he eventually moved on from.” – PlutoVictim
Their Planets in Your 12th House
The 12th house is the house of self-undoing, hidden things, and unconscious patterns. When someone’s planets land in your 12th house, you can’t see them clearly. You idealize them. You project onto them.
Red flag: Their Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in your 12th house = You probably don’t see them for who they actually are.
Reality: “His Sun in my 12th house. I built an entire fantasy around who he was. Every interaction, I interpreted as profound and meaningful. Spoiler: He was just being polite. The 12th house made me see him as my soulmate when he was actually just a guy who smiled at me sometimes.” – TwelfthHouseDelusion
Strong Neptune Aspects (Especially Neptune-Venus or Neptune-Moon)
Neptune dissolves boundaries and creates illusions. Neptune aspects can feel like spiritual connection, fated love, soulmate energy…
Or they can be complete delusion.
Warning signs:
You feel “fated” but they seem confused about the relationship
You interpret everything as meaningful; they seem oblivious
You’re in love with their potential, not who they actually are
The relationship exists more in your fantasy than in reality
From someone who learned: “Neptune square my Venus. I thought we had this deep, spiritual connection. We barely talked, but every glance felt cosmic. Turns out, I was in love with the idea of him—not the actual person. Neptune made me see what I wanted to see.” – NeptuneWokeUp
Missing Reciprocal Aspects
The pattern: Your planets make aspects to theirs, but theirs don’t make aspects to yours. Or the aspects are dramatically unbalanced.
What it means: Energy is flowing one direction. You’re giving, they’re receiving. You’re invested, they’re… present but not participating.
Check: “I made 15 major aspects to his chart. He made 3 to mine. All my emotional planets hit his chart—Moon, Venus, Neptune. His Saturn and Uranus hit mine. So I was pouring emotion and devotion into him, and he was giving me… restriction and unpredictability. Textbook unrequited.” – CountTheAspects
Their Saturn on Your Personal Planets (Without Reciprocal Support)
Saturn can create commitment—but it can also create rejection and coldness.
Red flag: Their Saturn squares or opposes your Venus, Moon, or Sun WITHOUT supportive aspects from their personal planets to yours.
What it means: You feel shut down, rejected, or not good enough. They might be critical, distant, or uninterested—and their Saturn is showing you that energetically.
You’re Activating Their 5th House, They’re Activating Your 7th House
The setup: Your planets land in their 5th house (fun, romance, creativity, dating). Their planets land in your 7th house (committed partnership, marriage).
What it means: You’re thinking forever. They’re thinking… for now. You want commitment. They want to have a good time.
Reality check: “My Sun, Venus, and Mars in his 5th house. His Saturn in my 7th house. I wanted marriage. He wanted fun. His Saturn in my 7th made me think he was serious, but MY planets in his 5th meant he was just enjoying the ride. We wanted completely different things.” – HouseMismatch
The bottom line on unrequited love:
If you suspect the feelings aren’t mutual, look at the chart objectively:
Is the energy flowing both directions?
Are both people’s personal planets engaged?
Is one person living in fantasy (Neptune/12th house) while the other is in reality?
Are there commitment indicators (Saturn, Juno, 7th house) for both people—or just one?
Synastry can’t make someone love you. But it can show you when you’re pouring energy into an empty well.
Five Common Misconceptions About Synastry Aspects
Let’s clear up the myths that keep circulating online, usually from people who learned astrology from Instagram infographics.
Misconception #1: Hard Aspects Are Bad, Soft Aspects Are Good
The myth: Trines and sextiles = good relationship Squares and oppositions = bad relationship
The reality: Hard aspects create growth. Soft aspects create comfort. You need both.
A relationship with only trines and sextiles? You’ll be comfortable, compatible, and bored within two years. No challenge, no friction, no reason to evolve.
A relationship with only squares and oppositions? You’ll be challenged, triggered, and exhausted. Constant conflict with no relief.
The best relationships have a MIX: enough challenge to keep things dynamic, enough ease to provide stability.
From the trenches: “My most ‘compatible’ relationship on paper (five trines, two sextiles, zero hard aspects) was the dullest three years of my life. My most ‘incompatible’ relationship (four squares, two oppositions, one trine) was the most transformative. Hard aspects aren’t the problem. Avoiding growth is the problem.” – MixItUp
Also important: Conjunctions are HARD aspects, not soft ones. They’re intense, overwhelming, and can be just as challenging as squares.
Misconception #2: Venus-Mars Is Everything for Sexual Compatibility
The myth: If you have good Venus-Mars aspects, the sex will be great. If not, you’re doomed.
The reality: Venus-Mars creates romantic attraction and pleasant sexual chemistry. But it’s not the hottest aspect for sex.
Actually hotter aspects for sexual intensity:
Moon-Mars: Emotional + sexual = explosive. The Mars person triggers the Moon person’s deepest needs and the sex becomes emotional release.
Mars-Pluto: Dangerous, obsessive, potentially manipulative—but INTENSE. The kind of sexual connection that consumes you.
Venus-Pluto: Power dynamics, transformation through sexuality, potential for addiction to each other.
Even Saturn-Mars/Venus can be hotter (in the beginning) when Saturn’s desire and control fixates on you.
Real talk: “I’ve had Venus trine Mars (pleasant, nice, comfortable sex) and I’ve had Moon square Mars (explosive, emotional, sometimes angry sex that felt like we were exorcising demons). Guess which one was more memorable? Venus-Mars is like vanilla ice cream. Moon-Mars is like whiskey—burns going down but gets you somewhere.” – MoonMarsIntensity
The truth: Venus-Mars is important for romantic compatibility and sustained attraction. But if you’re looking for sexual intensity, look at Moon-Mars, Mars-Pluto, and even hard aspects between personal planets.
Misconception #3: You Must Analyze EVERY Aspect Between The Charts
The myth: All aspects matter equally. You need to look at every single connection, including semi-sextiles, quincunxes, and asteroid aspects to get the full picture.
The reality: Not all planets are equal. Not all aspects matter.
Prioritize:
Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars (personal planets that affect daily life)
Angles (Ascendant, Descendant, IC, Midheaven)
Saturn (commitment factor)
Chart ruler and significant planets based on natal chart
Outer planets IF they’re prominent in the natal chart
De-prioritize:
Asteroids (unless you’re specifically researching them)
Minor aspects (semi-sextiles, quintiles, etc.) – they add nuance but don’t make or break
Outer planet aspects IF those outer planets aren’t important in the natal charts
Example: “My chart has a dozen aspects to his Pluto. But Pluto is in his 2nd house, barely aspected, not significant in his natal chart. So all my Venus-Pluto, Moon-Pluto, Mars-Pluto aspects? They affect ME intensely. He barely notices. Because Pluto isn’t his journey. Not all planets matter equally.” – PlutoNotImportant
How to analyze effectively:
Look at natal charts FIRST – what’s important in each person’s individual chart?
Look at major aspects between the most important planets
Note house overlays (where planets land)
THEN, if you want, look at minor aspects for nuance
Don’t get lost in the weeds. Focus on what actually drives the relationship.
Misconception #4: Composite Charts Show How You Relate to Each Other
The myth: The composite chart shows the relationship dynamics between two people.
The reality: Composite charts show the ENERGY you create together—not how you interact.
Synastry (comparing two charts) = How you treat each other, how you interact, what you trigger in each other
Composite chart = The vibe you have as a unit, how others perceive you together, the “third entity” you create
Example:
Synastry: My Moon square his Mars = He triggers my emotions, sometimes aggressively; I make him feel like he’s walking on eggshells
Composite: Moon square Mars in the composite = Together, our emotional dynamic is charged and potentially volatile; we have intensity as a couple
They’re different things.
From someone who gets it: “Synastry explains why HE makes me feel inadequate (his Saturn on my Sun) and why I make HIM feel restricted (my Saturn on his Moon). Composite explains why TOGETHER we’re seen as a serious, stable couple (Saturn conjunct Midheaven in composite). Same Saturn energy, different applications.” – CompositeVsSynastry
Also: You can’t have a composite chart with someone you’re not actually in a relationship with. You can calculate it, but it doesn’t EXIST in reality until you’re actually creating energy together.
Misconception #5: The 7th House Is the Only Partnership House
The myth: If planets are in the 7th house or activating the 7th house, it’s a partnership. If not, it’s not serious.
The reality: The 5th house is ALSO a relationship house—it’s just a different kind of relationship.
7th house = Committed partnership. Marriage. Long-term. Facing your shadow. Integration of the other.
5th house = Romance. Dating. Fun. Sexual attraction. Testing the waters. Learning how to partner before you commit.
If his 5th house is activated by your planets and his 7th house isn’t? He’s interested in dating you, not marrying you.
If someone isn’t “that into you” but you have strong synastry, check: Are you activating their 5th house while they activate your 7th? Mismatch in intention.
Real scenario: “I wanted marriage. Everything in my chart screamed commitment. His planets activated my 7th house, so I thought he wanted the same. But MY planets activated HIS 5th house. I was projecting partnership. He was having fun. We wanted completely different things.” – FifthVsSeventhHouse
Other houses matter too:
8th house = Intensity, sexuality, transformation (not necessarily commitment)
11th house = Friendship, keeping it platonic despite attraction
12th house = Spiritual connection or complete delusion (sometimes hard to tell which)
Don’t assume the 7th house is the only story.
FAQ: Real Questions About Synastry Aspects
Q: How many aspects do you need for a “good” relationship?
A: Wrong question. It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality and balance.
Some relationships have dozens of aspects and fall apart. Some have five strong aspects and last 50 years.
What matters:
Are the IMPORTANT planets (Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars) connecting?
Is there balance between challenge (squares, oppositions) and ease (trines, sextiles)?
Is there at least one Saturn aspect for commitment?
Do the hard aspects push growth or just create destruction?
Focus on the aspects you DO have, not collecting them like Pokemon.
Q: Can you have too many hard aspects?
A: Yes. If the chart is ALL squares and oppositions with zero relief, you’ll be exhausted.
But honestly? Most people don’t have this problem. Most people have a mix. And most people could handle MORE challenge than they think.
The question isn’t “are there hard aspects?” It’s “are both people mature enough to work with them?”
Q: Are orbs important in synastry?
A: YES. Tight orbs = stronger aspects.
General rule:
Conjunctions, oppositions, squares: Allow up to 8-10 degrees, but tighter is stronger
Trines: 6-8 degrees max
Sextiles: 3-4 degrees max (sextiles need to be tight to matter)
A Venus-Mars conjunction at 0 degrees is a completely different animal than Venus-Mars at 9 degrees.
Q: Do aspects need to be exact to work?
A: No, but exact aspects (0 degree orb) are the most powerful.
Think of orbs like volume. Exact aspect = maximum volume. 8-degree orb = you can still hear it, but it’s quieter.
Q: Can aspects overcome bad house overlays?
A: Sometimes. Aspects are about quality of interaction. House overlays are about WHERE the interaction happens.
Example: You could have beautiful Venus-Mars aspects (great attraction) but if all your planets land in their 12th house, you’re still going to feel hidden, unseen, or delusional about the relationship.
Best scenario: Good aspects AND supportive house overlays.
Q: What if all our aspects are challenging but we’re happy?
A: Then you’re using the friction productively. Hard aspects aren’t bad if both people are growth-oriented.
Some people NEED challenge to feel alive. Some people thrive on the push-pull of oppositions. Some people use squares as fuel.
If you’re happy, stop overthinking the astrology.
Q: Do applying vs. separating aspects matter?
A: In natal astrology, yes. In synastry? Less consensus.
Some astrologers say applying aspects (planets moving toward exact) are more dynamic and forward-looking. Separating aspects (planets moving away from exact) are about learning from the past.
But honestly? If the aspect is within orb, it’s working. Don’t overthink this one.
Q: Can good aspects prevent a breakup?
A: No. Astrology shows potential and dynamics. It doesn’t override free will, life circumstances, or personal growth trajectories.
Great aspects can create connection, but if one person isn’t ready for relationship, or life pulls you in different directions, or you’ve simply outgrown each other… the aspects won’t force you together.
Q: What if there are NO major aspects between charts?
A: Then you’re probably not meant to be in each other’s lives in a significant way.
Some people just don’t have synastry. You can like them, respect them, even be attracted to them—but if there’s no energetic connection in the charts, there’s no compulsion to stay connected.
This is actually valuable information. It tells you not to force it.
Q: Should I avoid someone with challenging aspects to me?
A: Depends what you want.
Want easy? Avoid hard aspects. Want growth? Embrace them.
But remember: The most transformative relationships usually have challenging synastry. Safe relationships have easy synastry.
Choose based on who you are and what you’re ready for.
The Bottom Line: Aspects Are Conversations, Not Sentences
Here’s what you need to understand about synastry aspects:
They’re not destiny. They’re dynamics.
Aspects show how energy flows between you—easily, challengingly, intensely, awkwardly. They show where you’ll connect naturally and where you’ll need to work.
But aspects don’t determine whether a relationship succeeds. That’s determined by:
Whether both people want to be there
Whether both people are willing to grow
Whether the relationship serves both people’s evolution
Whether you can navigate the hard stuff together
Stop looking for “perfect” synastry. It doesn’t exist. And if it did, it would be boring.
The best synastry has:
Enough connection to create bond (Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars aspects)
Enough challenge to prevent stagnation (squares, oppositions)
Enough ease to provide relief (trines, sextiles)
Enough commitment factors to provide stability (Saturn, 7th house, Juno)
Hard aspects aren’t the problem. Refusing to work with them is the problem.
Squares push you to grow. Oppositions show you what you’re missing. Conjunctions create intensity you can’t ignore. These aren’t flaws—they’re features.
Final wisdom from someone who figured it out: “I spent years chasing synastry compatibility. Avoiding squares. Seeking trines. Looking for the ‘perfect’ chart. And I was miserable because perfect charts create perfect… mediocrity. The relationship that changed my life? Moon square Mars, Venus square Saturn, Sun opposite Pluto, and one lone trine for relief. It was hard. But hard isn’t bad. Hard is real. And real is what actually matters.” – StopChasingPerfection
Your aspects are your tools. Use them. All of them.
The trines give you ease when things get heavy. The squares give you friction to forge something stronger. The oppositions give you balance when you’re one-sided. The conjunctions give you intensity you’ll never forget.
Stop judging your aspects as good or bad. Start asking: What can we BUILD with these?
Because that’s what synastry is actually about. Not finding the perfect person. Finding someone worth building something with—imperfect aspects and all.
The post Understanding Aspects in Synastry: The Real Story About Conjunctions, Squares, Trines, and Everything In Between appeared first on Sasstrology.
